Blame it on the Rum
by Iterael
Summary: Human!AU. Getting wasted the day before you start a new job? It's possible. Waking up next to a stranger and leaving without saying goodbye? Pretty common. The stranger that you left alone in bed ends up being your new boss?... That's pure bad luck. Destiny loves laughing at our faces, and Kaneki learned that in a bad way. Part of a possible series.


I fully blame that anon from tumblr who sended an ask that evolved into... this.

Somehow this shot started a series that is pure crack and comedy, something that I'm not used to write (I'm more inclined to angst/drama)

So I'm sorry if this doesn't make too much sense, but I loved every second I spent writing this.

 _ **Shoutout to the amazing Low (floppyamon from tumblr) for being my beta in this. Low, you're great!**_

* * *

He was going to kill Hide and Rize. Slowly and painfully, and then he would burn the rest of his supposed 'friends'. Who in their right mind decides that it'll be a great idea to get wasted the day before you start a new job?

And he was the idiot that accepted the idea. Now, he was going to regret it.

After all, there was nothing better than waking up hungover in a bed that's not yours, with a naked stranger sleeping next to you, and with only a hour to get back to your own apartment and get ready for your first day.

Nope, nothing better than that.

Kaneki tried his best to dress up without making any noise; he didn't want to make things awkward with this stranger, who also had a very nice ass. Even with the low light he could see how well built this man was. A wonder they ended up in bed together, if he were to be honest.

(And with the pain in his ass it was obvious that the man was… big in every sense of the word.)

So, he took one last look at his sleeping lover and muttered an apology; it wasn't his intention leaving without a proper goodbye, but his new job was way more important than this.

But destiny loves to mess with people, and Kaneki would learn that the hard way.

His new job was in a well known lawyer firm, and he had to thank Hide for that. His best friend had been working as the personal assistant of one of the company's lawyers, and when they were short on personal, Hide proposed the opportunity to his friend. Even if Kaneki had graduated as a Literature major only a few months ago, he really needed a new job. He loved being a waiter at Anteiku, but he needed a larger income.

So the offer of being a personal assistant came at the perfect time, and his landlord was becoming an annoyance with "Kaneki, don't forget to pay before the 5th!"

So with his best suit, a smile on his face, and trying his best to not look as nervous as he felt, he stepped into CCG: Lawyers and Associates.

"You'll be working with one of our top lawyers 'Neki, and you'll have it so easy, man!"

Hide was practically bouncing with joy, especially when he talked about Kaneki's new boss. Apparently the man was someone who wanted to do his own thing and usually didn't ask for help, but still hated answering unnecessary calls (especially when Seidou decided that it was the right time to tell him how annoying Akira was. "But, between us, we're all betting on when they're finally going to finally snap and do-the-do, if you know what I mean," Hide whispered, like it was the company's biggest secret.)

"Anyways, your boss will probably only bug you to organize some stuff and make some calls."

"So… basically, I'll be his secretary."

Hide thought about it for a second, "yeah, probably."

His boss' office was… nice. One of the walls was covered with huge bookshelves, filled from corner to corner. The man in question was talking over the phone, apparently exhausted with the call and wanting by any means to end it quickly. Obviously Hide gave him the perfect opportunity.

"Yo, Amon-san! Your new secretary is here!"

Finding himself distracted by the books in the office, Kaneki may had had an opportunity to prepare himself. Who was he kidding, even with all the preparation inf the world, no one could have been ready for this.

"Oh, right… sorry Seidou, you can complain… yes, see you at lunch."

Oh God he knew that voice…

And he had seen that ass, now covered with well-tailored pants that did nothing to hide the perfection under those layers of clothing. And that chest, covered with a white shirt… and those unique eyebrows.

"This is Amon Koutarou, your new boss, and this is Kaneki Ken, your new secretary, Amon-san" Hide proudly stated.

The silence in the room was awkward, because both men (and Hide unknowingly being a third wheel, the poor thing) were thinking the same thing: 'Oh God, I fucked my new boss/secretary.'

Neither of them could forget how the other moaned, gasped, and begged for more. Nails scratching down backs, hips moving in unison trying to reach a climax, drunken kisses and bites covering their necks and collarbones…

"It's a pleasure sir," Kaneki began before biting his cheek. Bad choice of words.

But the older man just smirked. "The pleasure is all mine, Kaneki-san."

Rize's laugh made everyone jump in the bar. It was only a week after starting his new job, and being near Amon everyday made things rather difficult. Even with all the professionalism in the world, he couldn't forget the raspy, deep voice of his boss whispering sweet nothings while he slowly fucked him and…

"So you fucked your new boss, left him in the morning, and you still haven't apologized? For fuck's sake Kaneki, you're really boring," the woman pouted, playing with her drink.

"I'm really sorry for not being as outgoing as you are, Rize-san," Kaneki sighed. The thought was tiring him out and he really wanted to forget about it.

"No, seriously, you really slept with Amon-san!? Oh, boy, that's why you two have been acting so weird towards each other," Hide laughed, finding the whole situation hilarious.

"Hi-Hide!" the black haired man blushed, silently wanting to be anywhere but here.

The stress in this particular situation was too much, and the thought of a few drinks with his friends had sounded so nice, so relaxing. Before the questions started that was.

"Wait! Let me ask you another thing before we forget this… how big is your boss? Because by the way Hide describes him, I'm sure that he's a big boy, if you know what I mean," Rize chirped with a waggle of her eyebrows.

"Jesus Christ! Why do you always ask those kind of questions Rize?!" Why hadn't he just accepted Touka's invitation? Oh right, he was going to be the third wheel in her date with Yoriko.

But at least it was Rize and not Uta. The tattoo artist made the most uncomfortable questions with such a straight face. And thank God Itori wasn't near, because that woman could be just as bad as Rize.

"I'm going to the bathroom, and please don't ask about _that_ again." Kaneki huffed before standing up.

His actual intentions were less bathroom oriented and were more involved with rum and Coke instead, so he walked to the bar and asked for a new drink (thankfully their table was pretty much hidden so neither Hide or Rize could see him). But once again, destiny loves to mess with people's lives, and chance encounters with your boss in a bar are always a possibility as a pair of hands landed on the bar and hot breathe puffed into his ear.

"Good evening, Kaneki-san"

Because of course he was going to see his boss tonight.

And the story repeated itself.

The next morning, thankfully a Saturday, a once again hungover Kaneki woke up next to his boss. This was getting out of control, but feeling the warmth of the man's arms around him was enough to convince him to not leave the bed.

It wasn't as awkward as before, he thought a few hours later, with Amon preparing breakfast wearing only a pair of boxers and Kaneki wearing one of his shirts. It was surprisingly comfortable (and he could see this happening everyday, a thought that appealed to him and terrified him as well).

"I… really wanted to apologize for leaving, Amon-san, but I was a bit late and I didn't want to…"

"It's okay, I understand."

Uh? Amon understood? He wasn't dreaming, wasn't he?

"Don't look so surprised, Kaneki, it's not the first time that this has happened, and I even thought we weren't going to meet again… but seeing you in my office was definitely a surprise," Amon chuckled, "I wanted to talk before, but you were acting so nervous."

Oh God, if he wasn't already sitting, his knees would have probably gave up by now with relief. That week of hell could have been avoided in a second, and even if he slept with his boss again, it wouldn't mess with their professional relationship.

"But, we're going to keep this a secret, okay?"

Yeah, he could do that.

(If anyone complained 5 months later about hearing weird sounds coming from Amon's office and his secretary coming out looking a bit disheveled, just a look from Akira, and in consequence Hide too, was enough to silence the poor soul.)

Because there was nothing more cliche than the boss having an affair with his secretary, now was there?

I'll probably publish more about this in the future (once again blaming anons with their ideas).

So if you want to know more about this particular AU or want something written, just send me a DM or contact me via tumblr, iron-huntress.

Thanks!


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